Those piercing eyes

After being intibated, I had not been able to nurse or hold my baby. I wanted something from Hazel to hold on to since nothing was looking good. Her chest X-ray looked crummy. Her blood gas wasn't good either. They had her sedated on some heavy duty drugs. Max and audrey came to the ronald macdonald family room to see mom. Really was I still a mom to 2 other kids? It was so hard to divide my time. Hazel was in isolation so no kids were allowed to come in and see her. Luckily my mom was helping pick up the peices at home. Max and audrey were the reason why I had to keep it together and get out of bed in the morning though. I needed to create some routine and stability while living at the hospital. I lived on my iphone. I would update my facebook status, read the kind words of encouragement, and organize dinner drop offs and play dates/carpool for the kids. Grammy helped tramendously. My house got cleaned, including my carpets, the dog got walked, the laundry washed and the dishwasher emptied. Members of the church brought in meals and helped out with the kids when Grammy couldn't. My neighbor took care of Daisy, our dog, who was definitely being neglected. It was hard to think that the world was still moving outside the hospital. My world inside the hospital had stopped but having my kids forced me to look outside. I didn't know what day or time it was. I slept in the ronald macdonald room when the exhaustion became unbearable. Then I would wake up and immediately walk into Hazels room to ask the nurse how she was doing. The days turned into weeks and somehow all blurred together. The Bishop came to the hospital with my dad to give me and the baby a blessing. I felt a little better. I knew many people were praying for me and Hazel. I felt peace but I still needed more. Grandma and grandpa Proffit came for a visit and that's when my baby woke up and showed me those eyes! Those piercing eyes telling me that she is a fighter and will make it through this and that mommy just needs to be patient. Oh, how I love those eyes.